Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Galaxy
Re: The CASE of the MISSING Battlestar Galactica
THE CASE OF THE MISSING BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
I had heard nothing from OLDWARDAGGIT for some time regarding the job I hired him for - that is, to learn why the continuation of the BSG show was missing for so many years. Now 5 years had racked up so I went looking for the Magnum P.I.
His office was boarded up, with homeless people living in it. I spied his Magnum lying under his desk so he was out there with only his rubber ducky. Or chicken? Whatever.
His trail was cold but I did see a man with a carload of women who looked familiar. He was standing on the hood of his vehicle, chanting to a bevy of women seated inside - Eeney Meeney Miney Moe, Catch the next one by the toe. I tried to ask him about the old daggit but he paid me no mind so I moved on.
An ice cream truck rounded the corner so I hailed him. Sure enough he had some good info. The clown driving the truck had sent the daggit P.I. to Paramountain - climb the mountain, then go down inside to the bottom of it to learn why the BSG show was missing. The clown ice creamer hadn't seen the P.I. since then, but would I like to squeeze his nose?
Something was terribly wrong here, it doesn't take 5 years to climb a mountain. I expected foul play had ensued so I headed for Paramountain.
I drove slowly around the mountain till I spied owd's unicycle sticking out of some trash and dead branches. It had a flat tire. I strapped on my backpack and started climbing. From far up the mountain I heard a weak voice singing. It had a certain appealing sound so I raced up toward it. About halfway up, there lay a feeble creature looking helpless, hopeless, and very hungry. The Daggit P.I. himself, pale and frail, singing unknown songs to the bright morning sunshine.
He didn't recognize me at first; it had been a long time. Finally recognition dawned in his eyes and he started weeping copiously. I dug out a bottle of water from my stash and offered him some. He said, "Just a thimble full is all I can do." I filled the bottle cap and he slipped it slowly.
Ojai22: " OWD, how have you stayed alive all these years, what did you eat?"
OWD: "All kinds of berries and leaves, a cricket or two, and when I sing, a caterpillar might come and check me out, so I get some good protein. Haven't seen many caterpillars lately, though."
Ojai22: "So that's what happened to the butterflies."
OWD: "Nah, I haven't seen any little flutterbys."
Fortunately I had brought some Vienna sausage and Spam so I offered him some food but he could only ingest one little sausage. He perked up greatly when he had finished it, so we headed to the top of the mountain.
Ye Gads! There were traps galore on the inside but I pulled out a whip from my Stash of Stuff, and we upended every one of them in record time. Now there we stood at the bottom of the crater with tons of trash. My super flashlight, and the sun shining down into the mountain lit the bottom like it was day. I explored a small section of the crater and found many pupa hanging from the ceiling, along with 2 small spiders. Quickly I turned to OWD - "You don't want to go in there, I saw spiders crawling around."
Then we found it - a large box filled with scripts entitled BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. We sat down to read, hoping to find out why they were hidden here. What was their secret?
OWD: "I've read half of this script and it's a mystery. This isn't BSG. This is another show. Why would they have the name of our show on their scripts?
I tossed aside the script I was reading and tried another, then another. OWD did the same. By noon we were ready for Spam and cookies so we took a lunch break.
Ojai22: "I didn't find anything familiar, did you? Someone made a mistake. Perhaps they want to hide this show, so they just tacked our show's name on it? After all, it's hiding out down here in the dark."
OWD: "Could be. Or they want our people to watch it. I wouldn't watch it. The characters are crude and crass, sickly, and dysfunctional. I couldn't get through one whole script. I kept looking for our guys, for warmth and fun, some tenderness."
Suddenly ojai22 had one of her Flashes of Importance - "Oh my word, OWD, this show is going to be made in the future and 2 million people are going to watch it."
OWD: "Wow, how long can it last with so few folks watching it? We had 60 Million people, and we all loved it."
Ojai22: "Actually 2 million is quite a few people - the size of a smallish town. People should have something to watch that they like, so let them have it, but they shouldn't be using our show's name. That's deception. OMGoodness, I just had another Flash - Forty years after our show went missing, the cast are sitting on a stage in a large room answering questions for an audience that loves them still. After 40 years! They all still know and like each other, too. This is so touching!
OWD: "Where do these Flashes of Importance come from?"
Ojai22: "I don't know, but they are always right."
OWD: "Can we get out of here now? We can go out a special way. After we get to the top, we'll put these little dealies on our elbows while lying on our stomachs, and we'll slide all the way down. Easy-Peasy!"
As we began our slide downwards, dodging shrubbery, trash, and mating squirrels, behind us from the mouth of the crater, hundreds of butterflies rose from the crater and came flying by. The caterpillars had hid out from the old daggit and still he survived.
At the bottom of the mountain, OWD saw his unicycle lying where it landed when the clown kicked them out of the ice cream truck several years ago. He noticed the flat tire, then "and my spare has been stolen."
A new Flash lit up the mind of ojai22 - "Listen, OWD, your office is boarded up, your Magnum is collecting dust, and you aren't making it as a P.I. This is what we are going to do. I'm taking you home with me, getting you in good health and you're going to be a singer. I heard you up there on the mountain and dude, you've got a set of pipes that humans will like. I know this is Short Notice, but I owe you for 5 years work so let's get home and get started."
OWD; "You know, while up there on the mountain singing for caterpillars, I dreamed of singing for people - people who would applaud and give me tips. Even with all those legs caterpillars can't applaud, makes one feel unappreciated. I dreamed of letting my Magnum rust and collect dust, while I go on to greater things. Thanks, Twin."
So now, the deed is done, the die is cast, the deal is delivered - The small town was happy with what they got, and we, the dedicated folks who know and love the real show can be happy watching reruns of the original and true BATTLESTAR GALACTICA that never will go missing.
"I DIDN'T COME THIS FAR JUST TO COME THIS FAR."
Last edited by ojai22; 01-27-2022 at 11:51 PM..