A New Day

There are moments in life that you simply don't expect. Events that blindside you, come from out of nowhere. And very often they are precipitated by the simplest of things, but result in a life-changing realization – dare I say, revelation.


It's also very true that we tend to learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes.


I should know. I'm the poster child for making mistakes. Some of them have been real doozies...


Not long ago, I had a friend of long standing blow up in my face. It was totally unexpected, and my surprise was complete. I was totally flabbergasted. Taken aback. Pick whatever phraseology you want – even the most descriptive terms fall short of the reality.


It was a simple misunderstanding that triggered it, too. I had missed a cue, a mistake that would normally have been waved off as nothing, but in fact it was the last straw. She landed on me with both feet and pulled no punches; she really let me have it.


I hope I haven't completely lost her friendship, because it's one I have valued for many years.


But I will consider her a true friend for the rest of my life, even if we never speak again. Not just because she'd been a friend for more than a decade, but also because of what she made me see now; rather than just walk away, she told me why, and as I digested that it made things about myself clearer. Things that go far beyond one simple misunderstanding, things that I should have seen long ago, that impact all facets of my life.


What she said to me unlocked something in my mind, shed some light into some old and deep shadows. Shadows I hadn't realized were there, that had crept in when I wasn't looking...


Here's the thing. Those shadows were fearful, depressive behaviors I had thought were long erased from my psyche, so it was something of a shock to realize that they were still there. I hadn't realized that my attention had been slowly drawn away from what is really important, that I had started hiding, that I was relying on others to do what I needed to do.


This realization has changed me. The shadows have been banished. The petty little things that have distracted me and filled my time are being jettisoned. Decisions are being made and actions are being taken.


I've resolved to become a better friend and husband (although my Mrs. says I'm already a good one). I've resolved to be involved, rather than be content to sit on the sidelines and let others do the heavy lifting. I am determined to made the changes that need to be made.


You'll see some of the changes here, too.


You'll note one right now – see my name? I'm dropping my old “nom de guerre” for my real one. I am John Pickard. My friends call me John.


And the site? You're going to note some changes here, too, improvements – things I've been thinking about and planning for a year or more are going to happen. I'm going to reformat the message boards to better reflect the direction I want this site to take, make it a little simpler and easier to navigate. We're going to stay focused on Dirk, of course – how can we not? – but we're going to do the upgrading and revamping that are necessary to keep this little oasis on the internet vibrant and relevant. I'm really quite excited about it.


The best days of Dirk Benedict Central – and John Pickard – are ahead of us.