View Single Post
Old 11-02-2018, 06:08 PM   #11
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: New England
Posts: 1,418
Default Re: Face, Unrealistic Expectations, and Life (...that should just about cover it)

Originally Posted by Ludlum'sDaughter14 View Post
That's something I still struggle a lot with - it's hard to believe otherwise when people have always told you you're not good enough to be accepted - and it definitely shows up both in having a hard time accepting personal flaws as well as accepting the flaws of others. I've grown to where I'm uber-tolerant of people in some areas and I enjoy diversity of backgrounds and ideas, but I still find myself being judgmental at times, which I hate. I'm honestly in a limbo-land where I get frustrated with people who seem judgmental and closed-minded but also frustrated with people who don't seem cautious enough. And it really reflects on me more than on them.
I think everybody does that from time to time. I like to think I'm not judgmental, at least in the way I define judgmental. I don't think I'm better than other people but if I think other people are wrong about something, I'll argue it to death... I forgot to add "stubborn" to my list above. That's a rather obvious one.

I will fight tooth and nail with someone and still consider them my equal, or even admire them greatly. I think that comes off as judgmental to some. There's maybe one person I've ever met who I would consider irredeemable... That person is extremely unkind and not worth my time, IMO, and so I haven't had anything to do with her in 20 years... aside from that, I think it's a level playing field and we can all learn something from each other.

Originally Posted by Ludlum'sDaughter14 View Post
Because if I can't make sure I get what I want, how do I not end up with a miserable existence? There's way too much philosophy and spiritual belief involved in the basis of this reasoning to be unpacked here (it could be unpacked according to a couple different belief systems, although naturally I would consider mine the most complete). But essentially, we have to grapple with the truths that (1) we are not in control of anything but our own choices, (2) there is a higher power which does exercise direction over our circumstances, and (3) we can only know that we are on the best path of existence, experiencing the right and necessary kinds of imperfection accompanied by glimpses of perfect joy, when we live rightly aligned to the higher power controlling the universe around us.

It's interesting to me that on this level, a pantheistic or even generically spiritual belief can align with Christianity. The difference lies in whether this higher power is personal or impersonal, how much accountability we have for our actions, the nature and seriousness of our imperfection, how to deal with it, and how we reconcile our desire for a world of beauty and peace with our existence in a world with too much of the opposite. In true Christianity, God's forgiveness is secured forever, which means that those forgiven should be able to forgive other equally imperfect people. Unfortunately, people still want to exercise control and still try to find security in thinking themselves better than others, leading to judgmental criticism and rejection instead of love. This attitude is far from exclusive to the Christian community, but it has become a hallmark of a certain era of American cultural "Christianity," although it goes against everything it claims to stand for. I think my experience with both positive and negative examples in the Christian community has fueled my passion about the subject and a desire to live loving all people equally, which is something I'm still growing in and need just a little supernatural help for.
I don't consider myself very religious, although I was raised Catholic and believe in God. Among other major issues I have with organized religion, I've found that spending too much time surrounded by the same group with the same ideas, reverberating off one another, breeds sanctimony in a lot of people... Certainly not most religious people I know, but some. And I think that's damaging. It's akin to only exposing yourself to one political view.

I'm not getting political, I promise.

Only to say that you can't grow and learn in an echo chamber, and you may lose the concept of not having all the answers. Or at least, all the answers known to mere mortals.

Originally Posted by Ludlum'sDaughter14 View Post
Well, there you go - you said you enjoyed the first rant, so I gave you another. I guess this is my way of learning to accept myself: being more forthcoming about what I'm really thinking instead of worrying so much about how it could be taken.
Please don't stop with the rants. I love the way you write!!!

P.S. I am the opposite. I don't think at all before I say/type stuff and it gets me into a LOT of trouble. I think there must be a happy medium.
Flygirl is offline   Reply With Quote